Why Dating is NOT the Perfect Blueprint for Marriage

I’ve been in construction long enough to know that BLUEPRINTS MATTER!

One of the most frustrating things about starting to build something is getting a set of drawings that are only 50% complete. They give you a rough idea, but don’t quite offer the information you really need. And you ultimately know big changes could be in store. I suppose it’s better than nothing, but it still leaves a lot to be had.

Many times I’m simply left designing or re-designing issues that come up on my own. Figure out what works, come up with a sketch and implement the plan as soon as possible. That’s great if you’re ready to take on the liability. The other issue is the time factor. If the prints already had a good design, then you lose no time. You take what you’ve been given and go!

Dating is a lot like getting a set of 50% drawings. You’ve been with your spouse long enough to kind of know them, but some “design” issues or “drawing changes” will definitely be coming and you better know how to handle them.

I really believe most couples think saying “I DO” suddenly raises their level from 50% to 100%. I’m here to tell you, you’re wrong! If I tried to build an entire building off of 50% drawings, the process would be slow, painful and take forever.

Now imagine living out your marriage at 50%. In similar form, it would be slow, painful and feel like a truly successful marriage would take forever. So what do we do? We give up. We quit. We find someone new. Or we forget about marriage completely. It’s unfortunate, because it doesn’t have to be that hard or that way.

It takes time to get above the 50% level. It takes working together and communicating likes and dislikes on a near daily basis. It takes two mature humans, just like it would take two qualified architects, to make an everyday effort to raise the percentage of their marriage and work towards God’s design.

“However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.” -Ephesians 5:33

So where does your marriage stand? Are you still at 50%?

If you are, I would guess and say you’ve encountered some rough times and things aren’t looking good. You may not even be sure there’s hope.

One of the best solutions I can offer you is my new book “The Marriage Advance”. We discuss 15 different areas where you likely have questions, but aren’t willing to ask anyone. Get it here.

Hope doesn’t need to be lost though, instead, solutions need to be recognized and enforced ASAP!

Simple steps like going on dates again or taking time each day to communicate away from distractions and technology are great things to start doing. Or making it a point to ask each other “how are you” or “what can I do to make our marriage better” or “what can I do to love and respect you more”?


Simple steps taken each day will start to raise your marriage up from 50%.

Again, if you have questions, but are afraid to ask, dig into “The Marriage Advance”.

Where are you at in your marriage? What has helped you raise the percentage in your marriage?