Why Learning about your Spouses Heart is Critical to the Success of your Marriage

As a husband, it is not just my role to work and provide for my wife; I am also tasked by God to explore my wife’s heart and assist in leading her to living out her hearts desires. I don’t do this on my own though, I do this mainly by faith and intentional effort. In other words, I need to be actively asking God and praying that he shows me how to take care of my wife’s heart. I must be actively looking for an understanding of it by watching her and learning tips from strong marriages that have gone before us.

Tending to my wife’s heart is really two-fold act on my part. It requires me to learn what her needs are and strive to meet them every day. This would include “female specific” things such as loving, cherishing, pursuing, nourishing, embracing, etc. And on the other side of the spectrum, I must be working to live out my “male specific” things in the relationship such as strength, support, reason, security, direction and leadership.


When it comes to loving your wife well, to keeping her spirit alive; you must provide both masculine and feminine support. Simply put, the husband who chooses to live by only one or the other won’t provide the necessary strength to make his marriage survive and thrive.

“It’s easier said than done.” Well, I know that might be what you’re thinking, but it’s really not. If you’re a husband who made vows to a wonderful woman, than you made a choice to figure this out. You made a choice to change your entire way of thinking in order to LOVE this woman to the best of your ability!

I’m not saying you forget how to be a man; I’m saying you learn how to become a stronger man by living out your strengths and learning hers. In a sense, you are still a lion, but you must learn the strengths of the lamb.

The Strength of Your Nature

I’m a builder. I’m a slow and thoughtful decision maker. I’m problem solver. I’m typically not emotional. I work in harsh, fast and typically male environments. I work a lot and typically have a hard time stopping.

The paragraph above explains me. It not only tells you what I am interested in, but it also provides you with an in-depth look into my heart. Some of the things might sound bad to you, or some of them might relate directly to you. It depends on the strengths of your own heart.

The Strength of Learning Her Nature

My wife on the other hand has very different strengths; strengths that are not weaker, but different. She is a designer. She is able to process and make decisions much more quickly than me. She is more likely to discuss problems, and when she does, she has little interest in hearing my solutions. I know many of you can relate to that one. She is much more emotional. She spends most of her days around a boy toddler, and the other days are spent around people that work for our Church.

As a husband, learning the strengths of her nature are important to me. It’s essential for me to be aware of her differences and embrace them. Her strengths are not weak, they are different. It’s not my job as a husband to change her, it is my job to recognize her differences and applaud them. The differences in her strengths has not only allowed me to learn from her, but it has allowed me an inside look in how to love her better!

What Combining These Strengths Will Do for You and Your Marriage

My wife needs me to be who I am. She needs the lion in me to be alive and present. She depends on it every day. But she wants me to know her needs. She needs me to be aware of the lamb-like qualities in her and embrace them. By embracing them, I empower her to be fully woman! Which in return will empower me to be a stronger lion and better man.

Your role as husband is not as difficult if it is done with an open heart. A heart that allows you to be who you are, but also allows your wife to be who she is. Your marriage will thrive because you will be living according to your nature, the way God set it up to be.







What if I’ve Shut-off my heart?

“And I will give you a new heart, and a new spirit I will put within you. And I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh.” (Ezekiel 36:26)

One of the worst things is getting in your vehicle in the morning, turning the key and nothing happens. Like me, you probably turn the key a few more times. I’ll turn the steering wheel back and forth to make sure nothing is locked up. I’ll make a few more basic attempts to get it started and then finally give in to the fact that it’s dead. The life in the battery is gone! You’re schedule for the day likely gets pushed as you search for jumper cables and work to get it moving.

We know the battery won’t last forever, yet we expect it too. We’re still surprised when it happens. But then a new battery is installed. Your vehicle has been given new life, or in our case, a new heart.

It’s time to jump start your dead or sleeping heart, or better yet, get it replaced.

A new heart is possible because of Jesus. Yes, Jesus! Read that verse again up above. If the earlier paragraphs hit you square across the face, then a renewed heart is due! If there was a way to restore your dead marriage by simply jump-starting your heart, wouldn’t that be awesome? Wouldn’t that be worth it? I know it was the critical piece missing in my marriage. My heart had been impacted by my youth, by my friends, by my surroundings; it was not use to functioning fully charged. It was dead. I was dead, and that’s when I allowed Jesus to give me a jump-start!

Ask him into your heart. Allow him to give life back to your heart. Read his words in the scriptures and allow them to sink into your heart. Your heart never died; it’s there and it’s ready to change your life!

What do I do now?

      • If you want your marriage to thrive as written above, then you need to address your heart.
      • Address your heart by giving it a jump-start as mentioned above.
      • Talk to a pastor or friend about these topics. Ask for direction, advice and prayer.
      • Don’t wait. Life is short and you deserve a life that is lived from the heart.
      • Realize a shut-down heart is weak, and living with a fully alive heart is strength!

Now it’s your turn. Take time this week to review the strengths of your nature and the strengths of her nature. Write them down. THINK and FOCUS on them until you have answers.

Accept the fact that your heart maybe shut down in some ways. Get alone and pray. Make it simple and to the point. Ask Jesus to give you an open heart. Ask Jesus to enter into your marriage. Pray this every day.

Then see the value in all of the strengths combined and having an open heart. I encourage you to talk to your spouse about these topics. Ask her to share what she thinks about the heart of your marriage. It’s best to shut your mouth and open your ears while she talks. Combine your overall thoughts and discover how both of your strengths and open hearts will make your marriage the strongest it can be.


  • Steve_Miller

    Great article Bryan!

    • Appreciate it Steve!