8 Things You’re Doing for Women Other than Your Wife

“Is it possible that I could be doing certain things for the women I encounter each day, but I’m not doing them for my wife?” 

The short answer is YES, but let’s talk more about the reasons why this might be happening.

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(Photo by LightStock.com: Faith focused, Cheesy-Free Stock Photos)  

You don’t need to read this article to know that marriage relationships are typically very strong at the beginning. The feeling of fresh love is in the air, the desire for intimacy is strong and the overall feelings from each spouse are mutual.

That’s old news for most of us.

But here’s where it gets interesting. Here’s where the true challenge comes up in marriage. Ready? Time! As time passes, things happen, stories unfold and the relationship takes it’s hits. Most couples can expect this, but few know what’s actually happening, or worse, how to resolve it.

Here are 3 reasons why men start to take a back seat in their marriage and forget what is really most important.

ROUTINE
Routines in marriage are going to happen. It’s inevitable. But the couples that are aware of that, are the ones who have the best chance of survival. As time goes on and routines take more and more shape, it’s important to not forget what is important to each spouse and take action in those areas often.

ASSUMPTIONS
We all know the saying about assumptions so I won’t go there, but it does hold true. Newly married couples love to do wonderful things for their spouse, but after a few years, those things tend to fade.

Assumptions are different than routines. An assumption means you know what would be nice to do for your spouse and then assume they don’t need it. Or assume that doing it last week was enough. What we need to do is assume the love tank is always going dry, therefore it always needs to be filled up!

ROUGH PAST
Rough circumstances in a marriage can be the worst effect of all. Routines can be adjusted, assumptions can take place because of a lack of understanding or communication, but a rough past can put a large STOP sign in front of any nice gestures to your spouse.

In other words, you know what your spouse needs, but you refuse to give it to them. Too many past issues have come up and too many are unresolved.

All of these scenarios can be resolved, but in the meantime can have some major negative effects. One of the worst effects become doing things for other women that you won’t do for your wife anymore. Either by choice or simple neglect.

Because of the issues mentioned above, here are 8 things you might be doing for women other than your wife.

Let me also insert here that doing these things for other women is not wrong, we should always strive to be respectful to all women. The issue is when you are treating other women better than you are treating your wife. Your wife should be getting this kind of treatment first and foremost!

8 Things You’re doing for women other than your wife

1) Holding the door open
You may call it old school or cliche, but holding the door open for your wife will mean a lot to her. Don’t just step up when you see a stranger coming or a co-worker in need, make sure your wife gets even better treatment!

2) Thanking them for their help or services
It might be easy to thank the nice woman at the check-out line or even affirm a co-worker for their help, but your wife needs to know her help is noticed and appreciated! Pay attention to what your wife does for you and speak up in thankfulness more often.

3) Valuing their choices and opinions
You may not always agree with your wife’s choices or opinions, but as her husband, you need to take more effort in understanding why she might be making those decisions. Think about some recent conversations with other women. We’re you more likely to agree or disagree with them? Be honest.

4) Admiring their beauty
When you are away from your wife, are you able to keep your eyes and heart in check? When you see an attractive woman, are you more likely to look away or look in places that you shouldn’t? Those answers are for you, but I want you to consider why you don’t look at your wife that way. Why isn’t she your standard? Make her your standard of physical and emotional beauty and you might have an easier time when you’re not around her.

 

 

 

 

 

 

5) Thinking before you speak
When I’m at work and I need to approach a woman, I tend to think about my choice of words before I speak. And not only that, but I tend to choose my words more carefully during conversation. Is this the case with your wife? Strive to be a mature husband who thinks before he speaks.

6) Honestly listening
Staying in line with #5, listening skills are a must for a great marriage. Think about the last time you were with friends. Were you more likely to be rude and not engage in listening to the conversations? Or were you listening intently so that you would be part of the group. Well, make sure your wife is part of the group. Make sure you are paying attention to her words and responding to them, and not just waiting for your turn to talk.

7) Smiling
Yes, smiling. Around friends or even co-workers, I can find myself keeping a consistent smile on my face. Not to look weird, but to make the other person feel welcomed and comfortable. Do you do this around your wife? Think about keeping a smile on your face the next time you have a regular conversation with her. When she ask’s why your smiling, tell her how much you love her!

8) Having Fun
If I happen to be in a situation where I start running into the same woman day after day or week after week, I can start to get comfortable with her. Even if I don’t know her, it becomes easy to say hi and then add some little jokes here or there. It seems harmless, but it starts to matter if you’re doing it for them and not your wife. A good marriage can handle a little bit of joking and teasing (within reason). Have fun with your wife again this week!

DIG DEEP and make sure you are not treating other women better than your wife. Make sure your wife is getting the attention she needs from you. Take action this week!

Question: Which one of these steps do you need to take action on in your own marriage today?

 

  • Bobby

    Ugh man you nailed it. And here’s my struggle with this…I love my wife, no doubt. But it’s honestly easier to “agree” or “listen” to other women because I simply don’t live with them. I can let go of their poor decisions because…that’s their choice, their concequences. If I can’t sway them then they will have to learn on their own. But in trying to lead and protect my wife I listen and when it looks like it’s going very south I do want to speak up more than with other women…because she’s my wife. What I find is this causes her to shut down and hold back her feelings more. So where’s the balance? Where does “honey I love you…let’s talk about that choice” balance out with “it’s your choice so I can let go.”? Does anyone else feel me on this one?

    • Great response Bobby, and I can absolutely relate to your thoughts. In my experience, I have learned the importance of listening, but I have also learned the importance of my response. Both vital to good communication in marriage.

      I learned early on that when my wife had an issue or wanted to share something with me, she didn’t necessarily want a response or a “fix”. She just wanted me to listen. In knowing that, and through some practice, I will sometimes approach the situations differently now. For example, when she does share something or is about too, i will ask something like this “I absolutely care about your situation, but are you looking for me to respond or would you rather me just listen?” If said in a loving way, she will typically let me know the answer and I move forward from there.

      What I have also learned is that if she does not want your input and does face a failure or worse situation, you do not condemn her or got at it with the “I told you so, or could have told you so” mentality. You continue to approach with a question similar to above and love her through it. I hope that helps brother.

  • kirsten

    i don’t think id ever wanna get married.

  • Jason

    Great post Bryan! It’s number 6 for me. I definitely could work on my listening skills!

    • Agreed Jason. My common phrase is “I heard you, but I wasn’t listening”. It usually brings a laugh, but then I need to really step back and listen.