– Feature Guest Post by Jeff Perry –
Do you know the foundational attributes of a husband? This article brings to light 8 attributes right from the Scriptures. First, let us look at other attributes offered through other means. Media, entertainment, and music have offered visuals and underlying creeds of what a husband should look like. What concerns me is the disconnection from what God has already designed for us.
One example media presents, is the passive husbands. This character lives the attitude, “happy wife, happy life.” I have to tell you, I dislike this statement. A marriage is two, joined as one. This statement is the justification of a husband unwilling to deal with the internal pain of the choices of his spouse. If the pain is not dwelt with, it is only going to build into a volcanic eruption in due time. This media attribute of the passive husband is a failure every time.
One example entertainment presents, is the neglecting husbands. I can recall many movies that show the husband working late or all hours of the day. And when the husband does get time off, none of it is directed towards the wife. The time off is directed to himself or friends. This communicates to your wife, “My friends and I are more important than you.” This entertainment attribute of the neglecting husband is a failure every time.
One example music presents, is the insecure husbands. I don’t have time to mention the size of this folder in the file cabinet of music. Amy Winehouse had a song titled, “Between the Cheats.” One section of the chorus say’s “There’s a winning secret to both. And it’s sworn between the cheats.” All unfaithfulness results in a loss. If someone is unfaithful and steals from you, trust is lost. If someone lies to you, integrity is lost. If some is unfaithful intimately, I can tell you there will be a whirlwind of pain that results from this devastating decision. This music attribute of the insecure husband is a failure every time.
NOW, lets take a look at 8 attributes from Scripture:
H – Honesty / Proverbs 13:5
U – Understanding / Colossians 1:10
S – Security / Nehemiah 4:15
B – Blameless / Philippians 2:15
A – Authority / Ephesians 5:23
N – Nourish (to cherish and to tend to) / Ephesians 5:25
D – Devoted / Ephesians 5:2
S – Sexuality / Song of Solomon 7:10 / Genesis 2:25
NOW, let’s break each letter down.
“The righteous hate what is false, but the wicked make themselves a stench and bring shame on themselves.” Dishonesty points the finger and blames. Honesty grows integrity and puts blame to shame.
- Husbands, honesty will pave the way to authenticity.
“So that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and please Him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God.” The opposite of understanding is confusion. God is truth (John 14:6). We cannot be clear until we have the facts. Once we begin walking in integrity the truth is attractive.
- Husbands, continue to grow in the knowledge of God.
“When our enemies heard that we were aware of their plot and that God had frustrated it, we all returned to the wall, each to our own work.” God is on our team! In the context of this passage, God revealed the plan of the enemy. When we know the plan, we can strategize both a defense and an attack. God has revealed our complete plan through His Word and Son Jesus Christ.
- Husbands, call upon the Lord to reveal the plan of the enemy against our marriage. [TWEET]
“So that you may become blameless and pure, “children of God without fault in a warped and crooked generation.” Then you will shine among them like stars in the sky.” The only way for mankind to be blameless is to be covered by the blameless one. Jesus lived a sinless life, for a sinner to live. This attribute cannot apply to you if you have refused to place your faith in Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior. If you have, God is working with you to fulfill his purposes.
- Husbands in Christ, we are forgiven and free of guilt of the past. God has forgiven you, which enables us to forgive ourselves.
“For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior.” This verse does not teach dictatorship, it teaches protection. Notice Christ is the head of the church. The same church the husband is attending. Christ is head over all. This verse teaches husbands to lead or guide into God’s desires.
- Husbands, be faithful to God and guide your wife and family into His desires.
“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” Nowhere in Scripture commands wives to love their husbands? Only husbands are commanded to love your wives. Husbands, love your wives. Marriage is a privilege, not a right. The door is open 24/7 and we should be thankful that the woman God has placed in our lives is still here! My definition of love is you before me. Her desires are priority over mine. In my family, God is first, my wife is second, and my family and friends are third, followed by ministry.
- Husbands, love your wives.
“And walk in the way of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.” All these attributes are not on a whim for personal gain. That would result in hypocrisy and then we would need to start over from the top with honesty. Men, we both know that we don’t prefer to do things multiple times. Let us get this one right. Walk in the way of love. When we walk, there is forward progress and momentum.
- Husbands, continue to love your wives every day, no matter how you feel. [TWEET]
“I belong to my beloved, and his desire is for me.”
“Adam and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.”
Intimacy is good. It was designed by God for the husband and wife. Is your wife your only desire? This was a struggle for me in the past. Today I can tell you with confidence that my wife is the most beautiful women in the world. I desire every curve of her body. When we embrace each other in complete acceptance of one another it is supernatural ecstasy and pleasure.
If you struggle to solely desire your wife, let this verse from the heart of David ring true to you. “I will not set before my eyes anything that is worthless. I hate the work of those who fall away; it shall not cling to me.”
- Husbands crave your wife, and love her enough to wait for her to be willing.
God, protect the husbands seeking You in their marriages, in Jesus name, AMEN.
Jeff Perry is the teaching pastor at The True Vine.net. He lives in Forestville, NY and attends the Chapel at Crosspoint in Getzville, NY. He is married to his faithful wife Terra and has three wonderful children that God continues to use to grow his character. You can also follow Jeff on Facebook and Twitter.