I stood in the card aisle just staring at the array of hearts, red colors and sweet messages. I looked at card after card and just could not make a decision. What was wrong with me? Why could I not find the right card? This should be easy, right?
Wrong! And here’s why…
A few weeks ago, our good friend Cupid paid us all a visit. For many of us men, Valentine’s Day is held with a lot of pressure to send a loving message to our loved one. Or we have to come up with that gift that means “love”. I’m not saying it’s wrong that most of us do this, but it can become a big problem. And for me, just a few years ago, this day was very complicated; especially when it came to finding the right card.
The first few years of my marriage were anything but easy. We encountered big problems that we could have never seen coming. Dating long distance through college had a lot to do with this and combine that with blind love. It only took a few years to find myself standing in the card aisle and wanting to walk away empty-handed. I had become frustrated in myself and in my young marriage. And now I had to speak love to her…
Did I love her with all my heart? Was I really living up to the standards that some of the card messages demanded? Hearts, kisses, hugs? All I could read was blah, blah, blah. This wasn’t the way I really felt and I didn’t want to send a wrong message. So I would search until I found a basic card and go with that one. She’d never know the struggle it took to find that one simple card.
Was I right? Was I wrong? What do you think? Can you relate?
Nowadays it’s much easier to find her a great card with a loving message. Why? Because we didn’t give up on our marriage and we kept working at it. Shortly after some of these early experiences, we gave our lives and our marriage over to Christ and it made a huge difference. We grew mature in our marriage and were able to talk about My Needs and her need to be loved. Again, this didn’t happen right away. It took time, but it was all worth it.
Can you related to this type of mindset when you went through the last Valentines Day or just any type of experience in general? If so, here are a five ways to overcome the Love Dilemma.
1) Decide if these are new feelings or old feelings.
I know, let’s not talk about feelings. But this is an important point. In either case, there is a way towards resolution.
2) Write down what situations happened that caused you to feel this way.
In most cases, your wife has disrespected you. This feeling of disrespect is causing you to not fully love her. And in a sense, you can’t or won’t find those loving things to say to her; verbally or in a simple card. A great resource for this is the book “Love and Respect.”
3) Do a thorough review of yourself.
There’s no question that she probably did something or multiple things to cause your feelings, but you must honestly assess your attitude and actions. Did you provoke her? Did you embarrass her? What part of the issue is your responsibility and what can you do about it? This is tough, so man up and do it!
4) Start praying for her.
There are so many great things about praying for your spouse. The main thing is that is takes the focus off of you and your issues and places the focus on your wife and God. God will reveal some tough things to you about how you need to start leading better in your marriage. Buckle up!
5) It’s time to talk to her.
Remember the list above, you don’t need to show her it but have the things you wrote down in mind. Ask her to schedule a time to talk. She’ll know that you mean business and will want to know what’s going on. Especially pray about this conversation. Let her know how you feel and why. Speak with love and be honest. Let her know how much you love her and that you want to resolve these issues. You can do it!
At the end of the talk, pray with her and for the situation. Do it!
Plan to have a follow up discussion each month moving forward. Do it!
I know too many men who choose to live with similar issues for way too long. I also know men who have taken similar steps mentioned above and have seen some great success! Choose to be bold today!
If you can relate to this message, share one of your own experiences and how you got through it.