The 5 BIG Needs of a Husband

We are all selfish therefore we all have needs. Whether single or married, men and women have different needs. Above all, I think the need we hear most about is love. The thing about love though is that it is more of a woman’s need than a man’s need. Are we together still?

Go up to any man and ask him what he needs the most from either a man or woman. I would bet to say that 95% of the time, a man is going to say respect. Well what does respect look like to a man? How does a man gain or maintain respect? Especially in his marriage.

Overall, respect is pretty cut and dry, just like your average man. The problem for most men is that as bad as they need it, they don’t tell their wife what it looks like or how she can show it to him. In the mean time, since she understands love, she will continue to drive “love” into him and in most cases the man will shut down. So here’s what I have listed below: the five BIG needs of a husband. Respect is still at the top of the list, but I have added a few aspects of it along with some thoughts on desire at the end.

Here are the 5 BIG needs of a Husband.

Feel free to add your own in the comments at the end.


1) Show Respect

What is the actual definition of respect? The actual term means to hold in esteem or honor. When was the last time you felt like you were held in honor or esteem and wives, have you ever thought about your husband’s position in this way?

It has taken a few years for my wife to understand what it means to respect me and for me to love her, but with more honest and open lines of communication, we are figuring it out. A quick example of a time I felt disrespected was when we were in a large group of people and I answered a question incorrectly. She immediately told everyone that I was wrong and corrected me in front of everyone. Although this seems like a mild case, my anger rose to the roof and I completely shut down. My honor and respect had been destroyed by my own wife along with everyone else in the room. Fortunately, we were able to talk about it on the way home and resolve it. The interesting part was that she had no idea that this situation spoke disrespect. And because she is a wonderful wife, she makes every effort to not do this again.

Men, does your wife understand what respect means to you? Do you know what it looks like? If you’re struggling in your marriage, sit down with your wife and let her know what respect looks like to you in a very loving way. Do it today!

2) Show Appreciation

I don’t know how else to say it, but men love to be appreciated. Even if we just took out the trash, we love to know that you noticed and are grateful. Call us shallow if you please, but it is just the way we were built. Here are a few other examples of appreciation: “Thank you for working hard each day for our family”, “Thank you for being a present and supportive father”, “Thank you for being a faithful husband”. Just as your wife needs to hear the words “I Love You” often, we need to hear the words “I Appreciate You“.

Let’s take this thought a step further though. A couple of years ago, my beautiful wife and I decided to be grateful for all of the little things  we do for each other as often as possible. What does this look like? “Thank you for making a great dinner”, “Thank you for mowing the lawn, it looks great”, “Thank you for doing the laundry”. There are no limits to showing appreciation for your spouse. The real trick is learning to be consistent. And be careful to never get into the habit of assuming your spouse knows your grateful or knows they love you. SAY THE WORDS AND SAY THEM OFTEN!

Men, are you leading a marriage that is appreciative and thankful? Dig deep this week and show appreciation to your wife for the many things she does for you. Before long, you will hear the words coming back to you. Do it today!

3)  Show Support

Showing support is a big part of respect. Wives, sometimes you may have to be supporting something crazy, but a husband needs to know you support him and will root for him. What are some examples of support? “You did a great job on completing that project for work”, “You played a really great game tonight”.

One of the great ways my wife shows support for me is writing this blog. I love the fact that she has this site saved on her favorites, she will engage with me about posts I have written and on occasion she will tell me how proud she is of me that I continue to write. All of that is a huge encouragement to me and I love the support.

Men, are you struggling with this in your marriage? Again, this might be an area that your wife does not understand. In a loving way, let heR know that you need and appreciate her support. Do it today!

4) Be Encouraging

It can be a bold and brutal world sometimes, and sometimes the only encouragement we can depend on is from our wife. This is another critical aspect of respect and the needs of a man. What are some examples of encouragement? “Don’t give up, you’re doing a great job”, “Keep up the great work on the housework”, ” Don’t worry, keep up the great work, the finances will pick up soon”.

There have been many times in my own marriage where I have been down or depressed and my wife has been there to encourage me and lift me back up. Wives we need to know that you are our biggest fan!

Men, if you feel like you don’t get any appreciation from your wife, let her know in a loving way this week. In the meantime, continue to encourage her in all of her endeavors. Do it today!

5) Be His Desire

In most cases, men and women see desire in a much different way. One of the main reasons is that men are much more visual than women. How does a man deal with desire in marriage? First of all, you keep your eyes on your wife. As they say, “The grass is always greener where you water it”. Men, we must stay focused on our wives inner and outer beauty and not get trapped into the false desires that the world tries to offer us. Wives, when we comment on your beauty in any way, embrace it! No matter how you feel about yourself or what other people say, indulge in the love and affection that your husband is showing you. You’re simple embracing will give him the encouragement to continue doing it.

I struggled with telling my wonderful wife how beautiful she was when we were first married. I went with the “assumption” route as I mentioned above and figured she knew what I thought about her. This is the wrong path, just as men need to hear encouragement, wives need to hear that their husbands love them.

“I WILL KEEP MY WIFE AS MY DESIRE”. ” I WILL KEEP MY HUSBAND MY DESIRE”. If you are having issues in this area, put your line above somewhere where you can see it everyday and be reminded. Do it today!

Questions, concerns, thoughts? If so, mention them in the comments section below and in the meantime…



  • Great post! I continually need to open the marriage folder and be actively engaged. With summer in full swing there are many distractions. Thank you for your ministry and focus on marriage by God design.

    • Jeff, Thank you for sharing your comment. Distractions will never end brother, we must make time for the things that are most important. Let’s keep building up the Kingdom together brother! Have a great one!

  • patricia

    I absolutely love this post, many areas I can relate to, and at one time or another struggle with i.e showing support even I think its something crazy. But everyday is a new day, and I try to pray on this !!

    • Thanks for sharing! Yes, sometimes there are some crazy things that come up, but we still have to try. Sounds like you have a great handle on these ideas which makes for a strong relationship and marriage!

  • Ryan

    “Home Run Post”

    • Thank you Ryan! I’m really looking forward to your future posts brother!

  • JT

    Bryan, as always another great post. Was just this morning, as every morning telling my wife how much I desire her, how beautiful she is…all he things you just mentioned. They d wonders for her as she sometimes doesn’t believe it for some reason or another..but I keep telling her anyway…I think I got her convinced!! WOOO HOO!!

    By the way digging the new site gonna be hearing alot from me now on. May GOD continue to bless you.

    • JT, Thank you for reading the article and check out the new site. I love how you say EVERY morning. We husbands must strive to be consistent in our walk with Christ first and then consistent with our wife as a very close second.

      Thank you for the site compliment and I look forward to your future comments and additions!

  • MrK

    I think these few tips for marriage is very interesting and thoughtfull. cause we are never to young or old to learn things to improve our marriage life

    • Thank you for adding your thoughts MrK. You are exactly right! We are never to young to improve our marriages!

  • MrFav

    I would be so grateful, immensely grateful, if my wife would offer me words of encouragement from time to time, but they are very few and extremely far between. No matter how many house chores I do, and they are numerous, it never seems to be appreciated but taken only for granted. How much does it cost to give someone a word of encouragement or congratulations? How difficult is that to do? I do my very best to thank her quite often and tell her I appreciate what she does and how good and talented she is, but I do not seem to receive the same in return. I know I’m a failure – I just don’t need her or someone else to remind me… which I sometimes interpret her as saying since she never builds me up but is quick to see the proverbial black dot on the white wall… but at least one thing I can say – I could not live without her and when she goes out and I find myself all alone in this big house, the silence I hear is overbearing. We’ve been married 40 years now so there must be some good in there somewhere…